On Being Gay, Having Children, and God
My friend asked me if I ever thought of having my own “biological” children? He asked me as a gay man is that not something I desire? He stated isn’t having your “own” children part of your legacy that is carried onto the next generation and into the future?
I reflected on these questions. I don’t really want to get into a huge debate on the pros and cons of population control, parenting, evolution, and/or genetics, etc. Ancestry.com has basically proven that the entire human race is related one way or another if you go back far enough.
I just wanted to share my personal “spiritual philosophy” on these questions.
I believe that when you die, your physical body essentially turns to ash and mixes with the Earth. Most people will agree with this.
I further believe, however, that your spirit lives forever. Your spirit never dies. Your spirit returns to God, or is reincarnated into another body, or enters the spiritual world. I am open to all possible explanations, however, I am convinced that there is a spiritual world and that all living things have a spirit within them and that we are all connected as part of this “infinite” spiritual universe.
I feel your legacy is then not having children and reproducing in a physical form. Well, at least not for me. I can understand why for some people it’s important to have their own family and I feel it can be rewarding and beneficial.
Nonetheless, I feel your legacy is what lives on in the memories of the people you leave behind. Your legacy is the good things you do for people and the world. Your legacy is trying to make a difference to the best of your ability.
Since I believe in God, my ultimate goal is to re-connect with God. Whether you have children or not is not the end goal for me. God already has billions of children and I believe we are all connected. It would, therefore, be an easy decision for me to adopt a child, become a foster parent, or sponsor a child because I feel essential, we are all God’s children at a spiritual level.
Imagine if everyone thought this way. Imagine if everyone treated all the world’s children like their own children.
I have come from a broken family and was raised largely by a single mother. I have seen and experienced the strengths and suffering this has caused. I feel people should only have children if they can raise them in a loving family. A child is not something you throw away. It is a precious gift from God.
I do not mean to imply that children raised by single parents cannot thrive. What I am trying to say is that the more support a parent or parents have whether financial, emotional, or social may result in fewer stressors for the parent or parents. The important thing is that the child is raised with love and care.
Alex Sangha is a Registered Clinical Social Worker and Registered Clinical Counsellor and the Founder of Sher Vancouver which is a registered charity for LGBTQ+ South Asians and Friends.
Delta, BC, Canada
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